So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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