Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
