She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Michael Bay diarrhea
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
