so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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