Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
