Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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