Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I won the penis lottery.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
