If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
