I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
