no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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