Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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