booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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