Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
