its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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