I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
