I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
