my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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