Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
