maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
