she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
