I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
