Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
