cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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