Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
