I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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