Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
