She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
