so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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