apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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