Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
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Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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