i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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