True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
