it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
