Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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