Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
