Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
