I got chris browned last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
