My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
