My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
