I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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