So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love accidental penises.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
