wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
