Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
