FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
