This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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