i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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