now i know why i became what i already was.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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