i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
