Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
