Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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