I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
