Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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