I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
