You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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