And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
time to smoke my breakfast
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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