She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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