You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
