margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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