worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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