trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
