Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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