Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
