hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
