I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
