Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
