Have you finally orgasmed yet?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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