The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
