but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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