Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize