did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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