For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
