if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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