I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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