well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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