when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
