as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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