She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
